Home Entertainment Jokes Thanks for letting us know, Mitch.

Thanks for letting us know, Mitch.

46 second read
97
0
23

Thanks for letting us know, Mitch.


Load More Related Articles
Load More By plugeldadmin
Load More In Jokes

97 Comments

  1. scottywadly

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    “Sorry for the convenience.”

    Reply

  2. STABxWEST

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I have a belt that holds up my pants. But my pants have belt loops that hold my belt.

    What the fuck is really going on down there? Who is the real hero?

    Reply

  3. Toberoni

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day.

    Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

    Reply

  4. obxtalldude

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I just came here for the Mitch Hedberg jokes.

    Rice is great when you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.

    Reply

  5. whystharumalwaysgone

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I saw this wino. He was eating grapes. I was like, “dude…you have to *wait*.”

    Reply

  6. dr_rozy94

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I’ve never got a hole in one golfing, but I did hit a guy and that was way more satisfying.
    You’re supposed to yell fore but I was too busy muttering, there ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.

    Reply

  7. Tacoddit

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.’

    Reply

  8. gerrijo

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I was riding on an escalator in the mall when the power went out.

    It took the couple in front of me a few moments to figure out the next steps.

    Reply

  9. Jasper455

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic! Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus! One of those two doesn’t sound right.

    Reply

  10. j_harv

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Dufresne, party of two. Table ready for Dufresne, party of two. If no one answers, they’ll just go right on to the next name. Bush, party of three.

    Yeah, but what happened to the Dufresne’s? No one seems to care…

    Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing.

    Reply

  11. ripcityrs

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    RIP Mitch

    Reply

  12. barrymccockner76

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    If my legacy was a joke that never got old I’d be happy with that. I’m sure he would be too.

    Reply

  13. filton02

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
    A stick.

    Reply

  14. hairyhairyveryscary

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don’t need a receipt for a donut. I give you the money, you give me the donut. End of transaction.

    Reply

  15. ArcticFoxBunny

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    If you’re flammable and have legs, you are not a fire hazard.

    Reply

  16. hutchandstuff

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I used to do drugs, I still do too.

    Reply

  17. Charliemander

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    This post has made me hungry for a banana bread, pastrami, and cottage cheese sandwich.

    Reply

  18. oifriendlyfire

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    “I mumble a lot on stage, I’m a mumblerer. But sometimes what I mumble is some insignificant shit. Like I’ll be walking down the street with my friend, and I will have said something, but he didn’t hear me, so he says “What!?” SO I’ll say it again, and again he had not heard me, so he’d say, “What!?” And now by this time I am yelling “That tree is very far away!” -RIP Mitch

    Reply

  19. wafflez119

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    This makes me way happier than it should lol. Mitch was a genius

    Reply

  20. SooMuchAnger

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned from /r/wtf it’s that you should never trust an out-of-order escalator. Fuck that noise.

    Reply

  21. helloiamCLAY

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

  22. udreese

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    “Ducks eat free at Subway!”

    Reply

  23. fried_eggs_and_ham

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Sorry for the convenience.

    Reply

  24. LikEatinGlass

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Sorry for the convenience

    Reply

  25. ChaoticScott

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Ah, yes. My favorite Mitch Hedberg joke.

    Reply

  26. KBlake1982

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Thanks for the convenience

    Reply

  27. daaabears23

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    How convenient

    Reply

  28. WhoReadsThisAnyway

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I once got to smoke fake pot on a movie scene with Peter Frampton. That was pretty cool. But I’d much rather smoke real pot with a guy who kinda looks like Peter Frampton.

    Reply

  29. Automatic_Llama

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Mitch

    Reply

  30. CanadianJudo

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    You shouldn’t walk on a broken escalator if the belt break you will be in for a very bad time.

    Reply

  31. MarvinTheMartyr

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    One time a guy handed me a picture and said, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is a picture of you when you were younger…
    “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older,”
    “You son of a bitch! How did you pull that off? Let me see that camera.”

    Reply

  32. DTDude

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Eh that’s at a Sears. With their financial situation, those are probably permenantly stairs.

    Reply

  33. golgiiguy

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Mitch has to be one of the most worthy comedians to still get quoted even this long after his death. Guy is legend. I bet his quotes stay in the collective human experience forever.

    Reply

  34. ltrkar

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Underrated comedian. F

    Reply

  35. clarky2o2o

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Sure this is fine but when you turn regular stairs into an escalator, people lose their minds.

    Reply

  36. borderlandsaddict

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Mitch was the best! This thread made me really happy.

    Reply

  37. ForcefulCloud

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I saw this dude at restaurant. He was eating a burger, while drinking a glass a milk and wearing a leather jacket. I said “sir you are a cow”

    Edit: hope i got that bit right, been a minute since i heard it

    Reply

  38. rubicon42

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    “Sorry for the convenience” -M

    Reply

  39. SilentScience

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    This ‘Improv’ sign is all over, all the improvs have it, and in Tempe, Arizona, the sign is made out of gold. I swear to God. And the dude wasn’t gonna pay me, so I stole the ‘M’, ’cause the ‘M’ seems like it weighs the most. Followed by the ‘R’. Then the ‘P’. The ‘P’ was one little thing away from being as heavy as the ‘R’. So I had a gold ‘M’, and I asked the guy if he’d like to buy a Gold ‘M’. He said “No, what the fuck do I want a gold ‘M’ for?” Well how ’bout a gold ‘W’?” I had a bad set here last night, and they added an ‘E’ to the end of the sign.

    Reply

  40. LordFirebeard

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I will never not upvote Mitch Hedberg.

    Reply

  41. zeroone

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Pffft. It’s probably just moving very slowly.

    Reply

  42. Nobah_Dee

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Get your priorities crooked.

    Reply

  43. Mitchel23

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Hey I’m doing my best!

    Reply

  44. hydro00

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    It’s Sears, not like they have the money to make that not temporarily stairs anymore.

    Reply

  45. NightChime

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    “Out of order” might imply that they’re unsafe.

    Reply

  46. drbutternipps

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Hey! No problem!! 👍

    Reply

  47. unclefishbits

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Other than Bill Hicks, it is hard for me to not get incredibly sad and raging angry that Mitch is no longer with us. I have a live set from just before he passed, and he was an utterly sad trainwreck portrait of addiction. I get so angry. He was so wonderful a human being. So charming and intelligent. Never mean. Ugh. Oh Mitch. :..^(

    Reply

  48. pchov

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Am I missing something? Who is Mitch?

    Reply

  49. yepimthetoaster

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Christmas at the mall. Gotta run up and nab those severed feet.

    Reply

  50. akubas86

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Well that escalated slowly.

    Reply

  51. metalflygon08

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Yeah I’ve seen enough people die by escalator to know better than to walk up a broken set.

    Reply

  52. newfunk

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    ITT: everyone fucking up Mitch’s jokes 🙁

    Reply

  53. Treezle737

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I get dizzy when I walk on stopped escalators.

    Reply

  54. dyaballikl

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I feel really dumb for clicking on the image and expecting a gif.

    Reply

  55. mommarun

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Mitch is always doing stuff like this.

    Reply

  56. bitpushr

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    A broken escalator is like having a dead butler. (Jim Gaffigan)

    Reply

  57. elegantwino

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Ah, the old manual escalator.

    Reply

  58. RBI_Guy

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    RIP.

    Reply

  59. flintb033

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    RIP Mitch!

    Reply

  60. JM2Tall

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Westland, MI Sears?
    Happened all the time through (at least) 2005-2010.

    Reply

  61. CPTWoodrowFCall

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Nothing more than an organized hill.

    Reply

  62. strikeeagle345

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Sorry for the convenience

    Reply

  63. 8wdude8

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I want to see more warning signs like this

    Reply

  64. Parabolic_Activity

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Awww man……

    Reply

  65. knewtonc

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Annnnnnnnnnnnnd now I’m sad again.

    Reply

  66. dennismenn

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Sounds like a Mitch thing to do.

    Reply

  67. chop-diggity

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    This escalator stairs.

    Reply

  68. FancyFox04

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    How much electricity would the world save if these were just stairs?

    Reply

  69. daflyboys

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Ok, but this was the down escalator…. can I still climb the stairs?

    Reply

  70. swardshot

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Recently saw an escalator roped off and thought “wtf those are perfectly good stairs!”

    Reply

  71. RockerXt

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I read this as ESCAL-ATOR

    Reply

  72. Rockchalk13

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    That man was a comedic genius. Perfect delivery and tone every time.

    Reply

  73. Lyianx

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Sorry for the convenience.

    Reply

  74. grozly2009

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Perfect timing. Just started rewatching that 70s show. And this afternoon watched the episode in season one where Mitch had a role.

    Reply

  75. tech240guy

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Of course it has to be Sears. They pretty much let their stores die a slowly death last several years.

    Reply

  76. OhhhhhhhGeeeeeee

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    “I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”

    Reply

  77. bigsaddles

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I was going to go get my teeth whitened but I thought nah, forget it. I’ll go get a tan instead.

    Reply

  78. rwhite2366

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Joke temporarily mitch hedgeberg

    Reply

  79. hanginwithfred

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I bet they could take sesame seeds off the market, and I wouldn’t even care. We’d be like, damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank! They’d have to change that McDonald’s song. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles onion on a…bun.

    What does a sesame seed grow into? I dunno, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame?…
    It’s a street.
    It’s a way, to open shit.

    Reply

  80. Zephyr_Actual

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Close that shit they are not meant to be used as stairs

    Reply

  81. ChocoChat

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    At my university there was a broken door and the janitor put a sign that said “door is temporarily closed”

    Isn’t that the definition of a door? Does a broken door become a temporary wall?

    Reply

  82. dallas1995

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    I love the succinctness of the message. It’s brilliant!! LMAO

    Reply

  83. RubbySimons

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Climb it now.

    Reply

  84. omfgsquee

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    He was so brilliantly funny.

    Reply

  85. omfgsquee

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

    Reply

  86. Mitch1012

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    No worries mate

    Reply

  87. BrainGrahanam

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Liberal message: “Escalator self-identifying as stairs.”

    Conservative message: “Escalator inappropriately identifying itself as stairs. Conversion therapy in progress.”

    Reply

  88. Morningxafter

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    So I posted this a while ago, but since it’s a good story and a lot of ppl in this post would probably appreciate it, I’ll share it here. [Over the course of a few years I got to hang out with him (if only for a bit) every time he came to my hometown. ](https://imgur.com/gallery/dE2tT)

    Reply

  89. NazeeboWall

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Where’s the subreddit for stupidly obvious shit like this?

    Reply

  90. bobbywjamc

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Stairing is rude

    Reply

  91. RoundedTikTak

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    My fa or tie mitch joke, I saw him the show before he basically passed. As far as my memory serves me… But this is my favorite joke by far!

    I was sitting in a log, and I saw a frog… It was hopping towards me… I wanted to catch him. I would put him in a jar… With a stick.. And a leaf… To recreate the enviroment he is used to….

    Rip mitch.

    So many people didn’t like him and then BOOM he blew up.

    Also fun fact his first comedy central was so I’ll recieved 90% of it is a laugh track. And the reason he sits down mid set is because no one was laughing. Insane people damn it.

    Reply

  92. Kunundrum85

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    RIP…. a comedic god.

    Reply

  93. devilgamer2002

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Is Mitch a male bitch?

    Reply

  94. cosmiclou

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    This post made me put on a greatest bits collection and that set was the first one I heard on shuffle. Thanks, Mitch!

    Reply

  95. heartfarts2

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    the cake is a lie, since the stairs don’t work.

    Reply

  96. ItalianJamal

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Stairs temporarily escalator

    Reply

  97. Anonymous

    May 18, 2018 at 12:47 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Check Also

University of Sussex Chancellor’s International Scholarships

University of Sussex Chancellor’s International Scholarships Plunge into Scholarship DISCL…