Master Plan

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Master Plan

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61 Comments

  1. Kangar

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Last night there was a fly buzzing around my house for what seemed like hours, and he wouldn’t land.

    Finally I said out loud to the fly: “Dude, you really need to calm the fuck down.”

    First time talking to a fly.

    Reply

  2. WHATtheNUTsack

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Planning about how many eggs they are gunna lay and how youre gunna have to deal with these assholes for weeks on end.

    Reply

  3. theFalleniD

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    I swear flies just respawn, and if so, we can’t blame them. I’ve seen the stupid shit you guys do on GTA.

    Reply

  4. Annihilationzh

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Except Flies have a lifespan of roughly a month.

    Reply

  5. 3eyesopenwide

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    they’re just thinking of all the excrement they’re gonna eat. “this is gonna be a shit show!”

    Reply

  6. obtrae

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They rub their legs and hands to clean themselves. They probably sat on you and now have the painstaking task of rubbing the cooties away.

    Reply

  7. SkidMark_wahlberg

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

  8. indonemesis

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Reminds me of [this](https://youtu.be/ZqQYH1R0XHY) Indian movie where a jealous bastard murders a guy who was in a relationship with the girl he loved.
    The dead guy resurrects as a Fly and [proceeds to scheme and plot the jealous bastard’s slow descent into madness **and eventual death**](/spoiler)

    Reply

  9. crackedcactus

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    “What we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world.”

    Reply

  10. JVDV013

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Did you know flies vomit on your food so they can consume it easier.

    Reply

  11. ferjero989

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    this is actually a myth.. they can live much longuer than 3 days (up to a month)

    Reply

  12. melissciousmind

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Sitting by the pool this summer, armed with a rolled-up People magazine with Matt Lauer’s face on it, I surreptitiously killed 14 flies that were moving in on my adult libation. I subsequently made a little pile of fly corpses next to the side table. Came back after a swim to find an army of ants had moved in and were dismantling the fly bodies and carrying them back under the fence. So pleasing. So very, very pleasing. Am I a monster for being so happy about the process?

    Reply

  13. Seusstein

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    “It’s all coming together….. Just like I had planned.”

    Reply

  14. thefearsomeone

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    “Alright I’m inside baby!! Now how can I make life as miserable as possible for everyone in this room the next few hours?”

    ~ Every fly who ever flew.

    Reply

  15. sweetThreeBeersleft

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Fly: Im gonna eat all the shit.

    Reply

  16. RugBurnDogDick

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They live almost a month and in my experience someone can burn your whole world in that amount of time

    Reply

  17. NoctuaX

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They are part of a bigger plan.. and they know the plan

    Reply

  18. philjorrow

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Cheeky plottin little cunts

    Reply

  19. TheMaStif

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They’re not planning anything, they’re just rubbing literal shit off of their hands

    Reply

  20. rabbidpichu

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    One time when I was taking my friend to play darts we found a bit of road that was literally covered with flies. Like, an opaque layer. We both grabbed a power washer and went to town

    Reply

  21. boredbash

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    That’s more reason to live wild. YOLO!

    Reply

  22. mattreyu

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Oh don’t worry, this shit is handed down from father to son.

    Reply

  23. SlightlyStable

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They’re planning on bugging you for as long as they live.

    Reply

  24. Fatal1ty67

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Is this dank?

    Reply

  25. Myrnalinbd

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    28 days but who counts….

    Reply

  26. StarbuckPirate

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Flies are little fuckers. Little multi-ommatidia fuckers.

    Reply

  27. YouProbablySmell

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    I think they’re trying to start a fire

    Reply

  28. HomelessFapper

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Flies put in more planning than I’ve put into the last 25 years of my life.

    Reply

  29. Oxygenius_

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Rubbing those shitty little hands together like a guy that just bought a subscription to bangbros

    Reply

  30. CrisFbz

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They been spying on Birdman too much

    Reply

  31. austynoftexas

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    The Fly spends its three day lifespan flying, traveling to new sights, and tasting new foods.

    The Man spends its 80 year lifespan depressed, paying a mortgage, and trapped by the chains of society.

    Reply

  32. dirtynicker

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    “I’ll make him think I’m gone after swatting at me then fly directly into his ear.”

    Reply

  33. Robfire80

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Whatever it is, I’m sure it is a dastardly plan!

    Reply

  34. CXiiiv

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Hive mind, they are getting closer to the final goal.

    Reply

  35. Intercoursedapenguin

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Planing how much sex it is about to have in its short life.

    Reply

  36. TheOddScientist

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Any veterans in here remember those Iraq flies?

    Reply

  37. 000010TEN

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

  38. vegeta_2009

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    [WRONG!](https://www.google.com/search?q=fly+lifespan&oq=fly+lifespan&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.1807j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)

    Reply

  39. Buttkicker98

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They’re thinking they stepped in shit. So when they land on you, they will rub that shit on you.

    Reply

  40. PlayMoreExvius

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Planning to annoy the hell out of you. But the timing has to be perfect like when you’re talking to a girl.

    Reply

  41. gringuicano2

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    haha!

    Reply

  42. killerjawa

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Probably complaining that he has a life span of 3 days

    Reply

  43. palashtd

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Last night I killed this type of bly animal.

    Reply

  44. HoTs_DoTs

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    I cannot find the damn image but Gary Larson (The Far Side) had a picture of 2 flies at a bar drinking and it goes like ‘see the world they say!! live life!! jesus christ!!!! we only live for 3 days!!!!!!’

    I miss The Far Side.

    Reply

  45. Lojcs

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    !redditsilver

    Reply

  46. egalroc

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Life span of three days…or less.

    Reply

  47. SamL214

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    I was hoping to find the explanatory post.

    Reply

  48. geoman15

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    They can do a lot more planing when their [lifespan is closer to 15-30 days](https://www.orkin.com/flies/house-fly/life-expectancy-of-house-fly/) 😉

    Reply

  49. bibliophile0194

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    I believe they use their feet to taste. Considering they are using their limited time to just find good food. I’d say..great idea!!

    Reply

  50. CuckwilldOandDo

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    How mosquitos in Charlie Sheen’s house prep before they sting ya . 🐝

    Reply

  51. DrSilkyDelicious

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Plotting on the world like the birdman

    Reply

  52. so_pitted_dude

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    *Rubs hands together furiously* *INHALES* *BOI*

    Reply

  53. marzjon

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Why are they flying under lamps so often? Not even just when they are turned on, in the summer, in broad daylight there are always some flies circling under the ceiling lamps, why?!

    Reply

  54. pimpnswivel

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    If i only had 3 days to live, I’d be planning alot of shit.

    Reply

  55. Bapple6969

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    This is the kind of shit I saw 3 years ago on Facebook. God what has happened tot this sub

    Reply

  56. zeal00

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    Planning to eat shit and die. They are so like us.

    Reply

  57. twn5017

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    [Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nse7rfcKzs0)
    Edit: link

    Reply

  58. DigestedWeasel

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    FYI They do that to clean themselves, not only their legs but also their antennas and their eyes. They rely on them, and the bristles on their legs for sensory information.

    Reply

  59. gotham77

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    He’s vomiting on you when he does this.

    Enjoy.

    Reply

  60. featurelessskinsuit

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    A fly was recently eaten by my cat while carrying roundworm. I didn’t know this until I picked up my cat and a white blob shot out of her anus onto my arm. The blob started writhing and stretching down my arm.

    All of us, especially my 2 year old son likely have roundworms infesting us now.

    Between my brother dying, losing my job and this.. this has been a terrible 2017.

    I’d probably be suicidal if ~~I wasn’t so god damned conditioned to this kind of shit~~ not for whisky.

    Reply

  61. leedeck21

    September 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    This is completely irrelevant but I have 67,000+ upvotes right now so shower me with down votes, your negativity is no longer of consequence to me, mwahahahaha!

    Edit: Your meagre 3 downvotes is but a trifle dent in my shield of upvotes, I point at you and laugh, hahaha

    Reply

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