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  1. periodic_insanity

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    My local Walmart doesn’t do this crap anymore on the self checkouts. New scales and program. R.I.P. employees looking at me like I stole some shit

    Reply

  2. obnoxiousexpat

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    WAIT FOR THE ASSISTANT! WAIT FOR THE ASSISTANT!

    Reply

  3. The_Powers

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    The supermarket near me has auto check outs with a weirdly judgemental twist on the “unexpected item”. It says “surprising item” as if to say “2 cakes and some cheese? Really fatty?”.

    Reply

  4. EternamD

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I mute them straight away. Never have to put up with this BS.

    Reply

  5. elephantphallus

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    IT PLACES THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!

    Reply

  6. SillAndDill

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Weight control self checkout systems ruin half the point of self checkout (being able to just pay and go)

    I’m so happy that the biggest grocery store chain here in Sweden doesn’t force you to weigh anything – you can just pay whatever items are on your scanner, and leave with your bag.

    They do employ randomized staff checks to ensure people don’t abuse the system but they seem to decrease if you never fail them (I’ve only been checked 8 times in the past two years)

    I keep going to that store even if they raise prices just cause that system is so much faster than having to weigh shit.
    If I would see someone throw something in their bag without scanning I would stop them cause I really hope they can keep the system going without too much shop lifting.

    Reply

  7. JohnLeeFos69

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    My Wal-Mart now has it so that the self checkout needs associate approval every 7 items so I just go to Meijer now

    Reply

  8. TheAmazingDougie

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    The local Kroger I go to does this to me every fucking time. Then shuts down waiting for an assistant. Well if I gotta have someone assist me every time why not just have a check out person?!?!? Buying cigarettes at cvs takes ten times as long because of these damn machines. Sometimes I wish stores would just pay the payroll for more employees for the sake of customer sanity.

    Reply

  9. Cornovii

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Next:

    *removes item*

    “ITEM REMOVED FROM THE BAGGING AREA. PLEASE RETURN ITEM TO THE BAGGING AREA.”

    *replaces item*

    “UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA”

    *repeat until an employee comes over or until the universe undergoes heat death*

    Reply

  10. arthurjeremypearson

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Michael Bay Flintstones.

    Reply

  11. Masqueraver

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    This is why I’m the only person under 40 who would rather wait in line for a cashier than use a self checkout. I work nights so unfortunately I usually grocery shop at really odd hours. I die inside a bit more each time I have to use a self checkout because there aren’t any cashiers at 4 in the morning.

    Reply

  12. losian

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I think my favorite is how the voice tries to sound friendly and human but just sounds even more awkward and stupid.

    “Please weigh your… BANANAS… Please place your… BANANAS… in the bag.”

    But then for some things that aren’t flagged right in the system, like a different type of banana or organic, it’ll go.. “Please weigh your.. ITEM…” instead. Also it loves to say “System processing.”

    Because y’know, that’s a conversational thing people do. We just stop dead, stare at another person and go “System processing.”

    Reply

  13. Evilmaze

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Don’t put them in the bag. The secret is to pile up everything on the whole scale platform and bag then once you’re done paying.

    Reply

  14. antuan343

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I used to have some pretty bad anxiety and this was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, the thing starts screaming at you and gets louder the longer you take to place items in your bags then the assistant is looking at you like you’re stupid.. easily the most normal thing that used to stress me out.

    Reply

  15. AndyRazersGhost

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    This whole problem is because of lazy engineers.

    It takes about 5 minutes to calibrate a checkout scale.

    On every call to a checkout you’re supposed to check the scales are zerod and clear out all the crap that builds up under the actual scale (and it’s a lot).

    But what happens is engineer turns up and can’t be arsed hits zero after doing whatever he’s there to do and then the scale is now set incorrectly. So as soon as the next person comes along and puts something light on that now doesn’t register it starts to get worse.

    I’ve been to scales that think they’re currently at -40kg… the staff complaining that they’ve had to swipe for every item.

    Lazy engineers are the problem! Oh and just press the volume button on the vertical screen usually to the right of the glass until it mutes

    Reply

  16. RobertDowneyIII

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Anand I’m about to go through airport security

    Reply

  17. guspaz

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Unexpected item in bagging area.
    Item removed from bagging area.
    Unexpected item in bagging area.
    Item removed from bagging area.
    Unexpected item in bagging area.
    Item removed from bagging area.
    Unexpected item in bagging area.
    Item removed from bagging area.

    Reply

  18. Compound_interest

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I just don’t do self check-out.

    I don’t work there, why the f should I do the work while the supermarket saves money on labour?

    Reply

  19. MountainsAndTrees

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Where do y’all live that the self-checkouts don’t work? I’ve used them like 3 or 4 times a week for years and years and have needed an attendant like 5 times ever.

    Reply

  20. garepottamus

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I hate these machines so much. A few weeks ago the goddamn machine went into call-the-attendant-over mode about five times to where the attendant started ribbing me about how needy I was. I wasn’t sure who to despise more, the attendant or the machine, but it brought me some comfort knowing his job would be replaced by a more advanced version of the machine in a few short years.

    Reply

  21. My_Hair

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    *Places bag in bagging area*

    UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA

    “No wait, that’s just my bag!”

    STORE APPROVAL NEEDED
    AN ASSISTANT IS ON THE WAY

    Reply

  22. ELaskanator

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Signature requires authorization from employee.

    Reply

  23. pretty_prettay_good

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    “A employee will be over to assist you”

    Reply

  24. chudthirtyseven

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I’d like to place my item in *her* bagging area

    Reply

  25. TylerDurdenUMD

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I got to do a lot of therapeutic yelling at a guy who put his whole hand down and pressed on the bagging area while I was checking out. I learned that day that doing so completely locks the system, and he learned how angry I am.

    Reply

  26. WarKiel

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

  27. monster01020

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Having worked at these before, most of the time it just people putting the bag that they haven’t told the machine they have yet on to the scales. Protip: A lot of places put a barcode on the bag. Scan the bag as an item and then tell the machine you took zero bags at the end. If it is your own bag, just wait until the end to pack.

    Reply

  28. TheAngryRussoGerman

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Best use of this meme I’ve ever seen

    Reply

  29. Gargomon251

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    My Walmart disabled their scales. We never had that problem again

    Reply

  30. delilahdevonte123

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    And “Please wait for assistance.”

    Reply

  31. roytown

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Too many feels

    Reply

  32. the_varky

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Up until age 19, I used to have a fear of self-checkout for this very reason. Still makes me think twice when I go use one after I’m done getting groceries…

    Reply

  33. kingeryck

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I bring my own bags. There’s a button for that. I press it and put my bag down and nothing happens. Tap it. Nothing. So I take it off then tell it Cancel and then continue scanning and then it always calls the person over. So annoying.

    Reply

  34. theonlydidymus

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    I found the mute button on the one at my local store a few weeks back and I haven’t had this problem since. I immediately mute every time.

    Reply

  35. DerekNeedsReddit

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    BAGS ON AN OPEN BAGGING AREA NED

    Reply

  36. theirongiant74

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    This is the best version of this meme

    Reply

  37. estekamine

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Even if I use a shopping a bag. I never say I’m using one.

    Reply

  38. Diahog

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    This actually made me laugh, it’s just too true

    Reply

  39. lolwutthough

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    THEY TOOK YER JERB

    Reply

  40. BipolarOctopus

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Damnit bro I work the self checkout lanes at a Smith’s (Kroger in Utah), and you just fucking triggered my PTSD. It’s my day off, what the fuck my dude.

    Good meme.

    Reply

  41. HughJazzwhole

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Giant ez scan?

    Reply

  42. ry_fluttershy

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    r/4panelcringe

    Reply

  43. mong0038

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    My wife had, let’s say, some trouble using these self check-outs. Always seems to not work for her. She’ll get so frustrated that we have to go to a cashier.

    At least, she used to. I now am in charge of checking out when there are lines at the human counters. It is my duty. I have tamed the robots and (usually) succeed.

    Reply

  44. Klepto666

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Don’t move the item too fast to the bagging area. Some of those scanners are running Windows XP still.

    Don’t move your stuff *off* the bagging area until you’re done paying.

    If you want to put it in a bag that you brought, have your bag up and ready on it before you even hit the screen or scan your first item. (Note: This may not always work and always safest to just leave the bag sitting down on the floor beside it).
    It’s keeping track of the weight compared to what you bought. You fuck with that, it gets confused.

    If you’re buying a shit load of stuff (more than express lane requires) and are worried about fucking stuff up or the computer being pissy… go to a cashier lane if one’s open.

    Reply

  45. EmeraldDove86

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    As someone who worked at a grocery store throughout high school, I loved working the self checkouts because I wasn’t constantly disrespected by customers or dealing with their impatient bullshit. We had older machines so we actively had to be watching and collecting coupons. I’m tired of all these entitled baby boomers thinking that their too good to scan and item on their own. It’s not like we weren’t working. And 99% of the time, busy or not, we had “desk work” type stuff they made us do as we were watching the checkouts.

    Reply

  46. SwissMissButtMix

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    “Place your MUFFIN (fatass!) in the bagging area.”

    Reply

  47. Rebbawskaced

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    Take my upvote, I laughed so hard I cried. Every. Fucking. Time.

    Reply

  48. Synthwoven

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    When I have time, I use the automatic checkout like a complete idiot and insure that the human babysitter for the machines is tied up for at least ten minutes helping me. I figure it makes the cost benefit ratio less in favor of the machines and eventually the machine makers will have to fix all of the ways that I intentionally fuck them up (put your knee on the deck to fuck with the scale – the scales suck anyway and error on their own most of the time, but this really hoses them up). Also swear at the machine in a way that offends the local bible thumpers. “I did put the item in the fucking bagging area you god-damn piece of shit.” It lets the company know that you really detest their machines. Sadly, this statement matches the actual sentiment because you can put legitimately put items in the bagging area and still get the error message.

    Reply

  49. Dood567

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

    /r/comedycemetery

    Reply

  50. Anonymous

    October 22, 2017 at 8:25 am

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